Discreet Smoking Tips | Learn How To Get Baked Without Anyone Knowing
Live where it’s legal to smoke weed, but stuck spending time with people who aren’t down with getting baked on the regular?
It’s hard to believe such a species still exists, but if you’re spending the weekend with your un-fun grandma, on a trip with co-workers who are less than cannabis-friendly, or watching the kids all weekend, there are ways to enjoy your ganja without anyone being the wiser.
Try these tips when you need to keep your toking habits on the down-low!
Use A Vaporizer Or One-Hitter
Vaping dried herb or oils produces a way more discreet smell than combusting weed. The fragrance is soft and muted, rather than pungent and burnt. Plus, it disperses way faster and won’t cling to your hair or clothing quite as bad. After a few minutes, it’ll still be noticeable, but it doesn’t have an overt cannabis aroma.
Most portable vapes look discreet too. They’re small and can be explained away as an electronic cigarette. If you want something really stealthy, use pre-filled vape carts. Most are made from THC isolates, so all the natural weed smell is gone. They smell just like standard e-liquids. If you go with the uber-discreet JUUL-style vape pen, make sure you keep it away from curious kids. They love those things.
A one-hitter is almost as good as a vape. And, in some cases, it’s better. It doesn’t need a working battery to deliver enough smoke to get nicely high. One-hitters hold onto most of the smell, and they’re usually designed to look like a normal cigarette.
Hide The Smell
Even if you minimise the smell, someone with a practiced nose might still notice. An ex-smoker, perhaps?
To cover that delightful cannabis perfume, airflow is key. Smoking outside is best because the wind will usually carry the smoke away within minutes. If you’re stuck inside, blow the smoke out a window or exhaust fan if you can.
Incense is the historic cover scent for weed smokers, but it’s become so synonymous with stoners that it’s no longer discreet. Try scented candles instead, especially the ones they sell in smoke shops. They’re made with extra oils exactly for cover-up purposes. Light it before you smoke and leave it burning for at least 30 minutes afterward.
To capture the smoke at the source, use a mute or sploof. The Smoke Buddy is the most popular commercial version, but you can make one yourself. Fill a toilet paper roll with dryer sheets, cover one end with another sheet, then use a rubber band to keep the covered end secure. Blow smoke in the open end and all that will come out is laundry-fresh air.
Keep A Well-Hidden Stash
Keeping the smell to a minimum won’t help a thing if someone finds your stash. Hiding it can be tricky, especially if you have nosy house guests. You know the type—the ones who do a complete loo search every time nature calls.
Here are some options that might work:
- Put it outdoors in a water-tight container or inside a fake rock.
- Hollow out old electronics that no one would use, like a Walkman.
- Create a false bottom in a dresser drawer that can conceal your stash.
- Buy a stash safe that looks like a wall clock, a book, or even a can of spinach.
- If your closet rod is hollow, it’s a great place to hide your stash.
Make sure you control the smell of your dried buds too. At a minimum, double bag it.
Use Alternative Consumption Methods
As legalization has spread, so have the options for discreet cannabis consumption. You can now avoid smoking and vaping completely to stay totally inconspicuous.
Here are some other ways to get your daily dose of THC:
Ingesting cannabis this way doesn’t involve smoke, vapor, pungent smells, electronics, or anything else. Simply pop a brownie, cookie, gummy, or any other snack in your mouth and the deed is done.
You don’t even have to chew to get high with one of these new items. Simply place a self-adhesive patch anywhere on your body where it can’t be seen, and you’ll get a continuous delivery of THC that passes through your skin to reach your bloodstream. No one would even guess.
Sublinguals And Inhalers
Using these items in front of others will invite more questions than putting a bong on the dinner table. Use them in private and no one will know what’s up. Sublingual and inhaler sprays administer cannabinoids to your body’s membranes where they’re quickly absorbed for a near-instant high.
Going from straight to high multiple times a day will be a dead giveaway that you’re imbibing, but who’ll be able to tell the difference if you maintain a mild buzz 24/7?
With medible use on the rise, microdosing cannabis is the latest trend. So many people have misjudged their dose and gotten uncomfortably high that edible makers are now crafting products with only 2–3mg of THC in each individual piece. You need about 10mg to get moderately baked.
It takes up to two hours to feel the effects from an edible, and it lasts 6–8 hours. With microdosing, you can have a mint or small piece of candy every two hours or so to maintain a mild but constant stone.
How To Hide Being Stoned
All the hard work you’ve done to hide your high will be for nothing if someone notices your red eyes or announces you smell like weed. With these tips, you look totally straight even when you’re high AF.
Rid yourself of the lingering aroma of cannabis. Every time you smoke or vape, visit the bathroom. Brush your teeth, rinse with mouthwash, and wash your hands. If you have long hair, take a sniff. If it smells even remotely smoky, give it a good brush, add a scented spray, and brush some more. If all else fails, take a shower and change your clothes.
If your eyes are red and your mouth is dry, hydrate with plain water and use Open Your Eyes or a similar eye drop designed for smokers.
If your frequent bathroom trips are beginning to raise eyebrows, try disguising your breath with mints, gum, or a strong cup of coffee. Peanut butter works too, and anything with a lot of onions is virtually guaranteed to keep anyone from getting too close.
Finally, learn how to act like you’re not stoned even when you totally are. Don’t go completely silent, but make your stories short and keep random comments to a minimum. Short-ish answers are good. Whatever you do, don’t giggle like a maniac at jokes no one else finds funny, explain how you can see the music playing in the background, or ask who painted the dog green. It was probably you.
If consuming cannabis while trying not to get caught is still something you need to do, new products from the emerging cannabis industry are making it easier than ever, as long as you live where it’s legal to buy them. If you don’t, you can still make do with old-school methods and regular dried flowers. Once you learn all the tricks, you’ll be totally stealthy, like a weed ninja.
Written by: Sherry
Featuring as a regular guest writer, Sherry lives in the wild heart of the American East Coast. Based at her family farm, she has developed a deep respect for cannabis, continuing to master and hone its cultivation.
Spending time with your kids or people who aren’t cannabis friendly? Use these discreet smoking tips and no one will be the wiser.
Sneaky ways to smoke weed
Growing up, my mother was (and still is) a big stoner, so I’ve never been concerned with getting caught green-handed at home. However, throughout the years I’ve exercised discretion while getting high in hotels and dorms, at the Waffle House, during concerts, in the middle of the disco, at the company holiday party, in the basement of my friend’s house paranoid on acid, in the stairwell of a music studio in midtown Manhattan, in the hot tub of the Ritz-Carlton at 2 a.m. before being escorted out by security…I could go on for days. Needless to say, learning to be a stealthy stoner is a bright idea. Pay attention while I dish you some tips.
Anticipate Your Needs
When toking on the down low, you want easy access to everything you could possibly need. I recommend putting together a stash bag, like one from the AnnaBís collection, full of essentials: breath mints, gum, eye drops, fragrance oil, miniature air freshener, moist toilettes, lighter, matches, poker or paper clip, pipe cleaners, one-hitter, cannabis, etc.
Choose a Method
Whatever you do, don’t smoke a blunt or a joint because the smoke is uncontrollable and you will get busted. Instead, use a bowl with a lid like the Proto Pipe or a one-hitter. Or skip combustion all together and vaporize your cannabis. CO2 vape oil pens and portable dry leaf vaporizers like the PAX 2 are super discreet, extremely convenient and easy to hide. Plus, the vapors emitted are much tamer and the odor is subtle. Just be sure to keep your bud in an air-tight jar. It’ll give off more aroma than your plumes of vapor.
Related: Stoner Buddy Movies
Banish the Smell
The sweet and pungent aroma of cheeba is easily recognizable. You’ll want to mask or eliminate the odor the best you can. First, close all vents and block the draft under your door. You can use a towel for the door, but I prefer a draft stopper because it looks less sketchy. Consider investing in an air purifier. They’re spendy, but well worth the investment. Scented candles, incense, and air sanitizers are helpful, too. In college, I perfected the art of smoking through a spoof and never got caught. Make your own by taking an empty toilet paper or paper towel roll and taping a folded drier sheet on one end. Simply, exhale into the open end for fresh-laundry-scented smoke. Or, you can buy one of these handy personal smoke filters: Smoke Buddy, Sploofy or Snubbz. Also, next time you’re in a head shop, look for a tiny spoof disguised as chapstick. It makes a handy addition to your stash bag.
Eliminate the Smoke
Open a window and place a box fan facing outside in the sill. Turn it on high. After you take a hit, cover the top of your bowl or one hitter. Then, exhale slowly into the back of the fan. If you have another fan in the room, allow it to oscillate.
Hide the Noise
You may cough or get a case of the giggles. Not to mention, the click of your lighter may tip someone off. Do yourself a favor and play some background music. Electric fans will help create ambient noise as well. You could turn on the TV, but it’s generally a buzzkill. If you’re in the bathroom, run the shower or faucet. Keep a pillow or hoodie close by to muffle uncontrollable fits of laughter and the like.
Survey the Scene
Is the smoke alarm disarmed? Are the doors locked? Are the vents closed? Is the window open? Is the draft under the door blocked? Is the air purifier turned on? Is music playing? Is your 420-fearing roommate around? Are your parents home? Are your kids home? Where’s your stash bag? Before your judgement gets a little hazy, take note of your surroundings, make sure you have everything you need, and take any last minute precautions to avoid unexpected encounters.
Devise an Emergency Backup Plan
Accidents happen. Maybe, after a few drinks, you think it’s a good idea to hot box the apartment. Perhaps, you’re smoking up with inexperienced tokers and someone knocks over the bong, allowing the stench and smoke to escape. You may forget to towel the door. One of your friends may start squealing like a pig. Stay cool, spray air sanitizer, open a window, hide your stash, and take a walk. What happens if a neurotic roommate or asshole neighbor stops by to complain? Apologize and send them on their way. What happens if the police come knocking at your door? Stay cool and know your 4th Amendment rights.
Stealthy Stoner Bonus Tips:
- Smoke up in the bathroom. It’s the one place you can get away with spending extended periods of time without someone barging in.
- Cover your fire alarm with a plastic shower cap to keep it from going off while you’re blazing.
- Keep an empty beer bottle around. If someone calls you out for acting silly, blame it on the malty beverage.
- Explore the discrete world of medicated edibles, tinctures, and patches. No smell, no smoke, no problems.
How to get lit without getting caught.