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90 days is what you really need, but abstaining from smoking for just one month will do wonders for your THC-COOH levels. It won't zero them out, but you're not looking to be completely THC-COOH-free but rather just enough so to slip under the mandated 50 ng/mL concentration level. What's more, you can help spur the process on—inciting your body to metabolize the THC-COOH faster—by flushing your system with large amounts of liquid three to four hours before your test. By drinking a couple of liters of H2O, you increase the amount of water in your urine, naturally diluting the sample.

Consuming massive amounts of water in a short time can lead to dilutional hyponatremia, a potentially fatal condition wherein over-hydration completely disrupts the balance of electrolytes in your body and your brain's neural connections shut down. This is a very rare condition but not entirely out of the realm of possibility. Second, and much more likely, the sample may be too diluted to test. This is determined at the lab by measuring the concentration of creatine (a naturally-produced metabolite generated by the muscles) in the sample. And if the sample comes back as unusable, it could raise a red flag with the administrator who could well call you back in to take another—supervised—one. Granted, this could buy you more time, but if you need, say, 30-ish more days, you'll probably be hard-pressed to get a delay of game more than once. This is also why you don't light up a fatty as soon as you get done submitting your sample; there's always a chance they'll make you do it again.

And despite what your stoner buddies say, chugging cranberry juice will do nothing but strain your kidneys—its tannins don't interact with THC stored in your fat. Of course, while you do have to submit a urine sample, nobody actually said it had to be your urine. Simply swap your piss for that of a drug-free friend. The administrator just said it does have to be your own urine? Well you're gonna have to sneak this bag of your buddy's pee in with you then. This plastic prosthesis is a fake penis that spurts adulterated urine. It rocketed into the public consciousness when NFL running back Onterrio Smith was caught in an airport with one back in 2006. It allows you to smuggle urine that is not your own into the pee station without having to fill a condom with pee and strap it to the inside of your thigh. What's more, the Whizz can also be filled with synthetic urine as well. Synthetic urine, which is often sold in smoke shops (go figure), is often the same liquid mixture used to calibrate the lab equipment that will soon be determining your future employment. It isn't a perfect replica for real pee—it doesn't produce a head when poured as real pee does, nor does it have any smell—but is usually close enough to do the job. One more downside is that this liquid may not include uric acid, a metabolite that many labs now look for to ensure the sample is human in origin. And if you use real, pilfered urine, there are a number of other pitfalls to the switcheroo method. For one, this isn't American Beauty ; you can't just keep your stash in the fridge for a rainy day. Once outside of the body, urine immediately begins to oxidize (causing it to darken) and decompose (producing that rank ammonia stench). It doesn't take a PhD in organic chem to figure out that there's something wrong with your sample if you try to hand in week-old urine. That stuff has got to be fresh, like same day—same hour, if you can—for it to work. It also has to be warm, like "body temperature" warm. Again, it doesn't take a super-genius to figure out there's something afoot when you turn in an ice-cold sample what was supposedly in your bladder not more than 3 minutes ago. Plus, if this is a monitored test—hope you aren't pee-shy—or you are patted down before entering the pee station, it's going to be hard to explain why you've got a rubber full of the yellow stuff strapped to your leg. Worse than any of the plausible solutions, however dishonest, are the total fakes. Put your wallet away before you buy and strangely colored fluids or syrups. The menagerie of herbal, organic cleanse drinks sold at your local headshop or GNC center are a dime a dozen and generally ineffective.

Yes, they'll claim that their specific secret mix of vitamins, herbs, and electrolytes will use "the power of natural and artificial ingredients to block the toxins in your body's fat cells from getting into your urinary tract and helps you to beat the urine drug test" as the DUZ'z IT brand cleanser does, and save your ass for $50 a bottle. However, there is very little evidence (outside of that provided by companies with skin in the game) that these drinks are even modestly effective. And since they're considered herbal supplements, they're not regulated by the FDA—so who knows what's actually in them. So, there you have it, three means of passing the pee test, presenting in decreasing order of honesty. Or you could, of course, attempt to find an employer that doesn't care about your off-hour proclivities as long as you can get the job done on the clock. [ The Weed Blog - Norml ] How to Hide Your Synthetic Urine & Sneak it into Drug Tests. While copping a urine sample from a friend to use in a drug test or freezing some of your own that you know is clean for future use are ideas as old as drug testing itself (the process is called "subbing"), there's one aspect of the subbing process that can present a significant hurdle to success: getting the substitute sample into the bathroom at the screening location. And while it's tricky enough to get the sample into the restroom at all, the whole thing gets even more complex and challenging if the checking administrators put one of their own into the restroom with you; which they often do.

The fact is, however, that subbing is done successfully every day of every year in every city in the world where this type of testing is conducted.


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