body grinder

There is no script here, but follow conversational cues and look for a doggy door into getting bud. (You’re not a chicken, I didn’t mean that.) People will know. For about two years, I bought weed from a tiny blonde girl named Clementine who had a pierced septum and an equally tiny blonde dog.

I met her in a bar on New Year’s Day several years ago, and she delivered weed to me on a consistent basis for about a year, until she apparently got hit by a car and sent her friend Mike or something in her stead, which felt weird. And after that she maybe stopped selling weed, because she just stopped responding to texts. If neither of those things work, just talk to people. If you’re feeling the vibe, maybe consider bringing up the topic. If things are going well, repeat after me: “Hey, man, do you know where I can find some weed?” The worst he or she could say is no. Other possible responses include, “No, but I have a friend who does” or “That’s illegal,” in which case you could always pretend like you were just joking. Once I was in a bodega, and this guy approached me and handed me a card that said, “Call Smiley” and had his phone number on it, exactly like the one in Half Baked.

I was so taken aback, because I had actually been looking for a new weedman after my previous weedman, whose name was Philip but went by Bling, had retired. Smiley, whose name was actually Fire, was in fact looking to sell me some marijuana. It took me a minute to collect myself, but he sold me some tree right on the spot. I bought weed from him for awhile until his aspiring music career started taking off. Which brings up an important point: Don’t mix business with pleasure. This is sort of an unspoken rule, one you have seen laid out in such film classics as Grandma’s Boy and Pineapple Express. You don’t have this problem ever if you use a delivery service, but you probably will if you’re sourcing your sticky icky from a random dude or lady. And sure, be polite and take that bong hit, but don’t linger. You don’t want to be friends with your weed dealer. So if all those things fail you, just go to your nearest Cypress Hill concert or University of Vermont alumni networking event. Actually, though, either of those things would likely get results. I’ve mentioned this before , but chat up your local cab drivers. In New York, this doesn’t work because cab drivers tend to be normal people with homes in Queens and kids in middle school, and they aren’t the men and women about town they once were. But in other places where the cab industry isn’t as robust or formal, this works. Once again, feel things out and gauge the vibe of the conversation before you start talking all things tree. These people are knowledgeable about the ways of the world, and can put you on the straight and narrow and high as hell. If you’re at a concert, well, good for you: Finding weed just got a hell of a lot easier. When I am at a show or a festival and I’m looking for bud, I employ a few tactics.

First, I look for the seedy-looking guy with a backpack of some sort. If the seedy-looking guy with a backpack has White-Boy Dreads, even better. Additionally, gas-station attendants and people wearing T-shirts with the sleeves cut off in an unironic way could work. Or people who look like they spend a lot of time hanging out in front of head shops or progressive bookstores. The people who look like they smoke pot usually smoke pot. And finally, when in doubt, make like Toucan Sam and follow your nose! Where there is patchouli, there is usually weed to be found. If you’re at a show, people will probably know where to point you to, or they’ll just smoke you out themselves. They’re the opposite of the amphetamine crowd in that they are all about peace and love and Doritos. I cannot guarantee success; I can only say that these tactics have worked in my own life of habitual pot-smoking.

But if you channel your inner drug dog, your inner wook, your inner Widespread Panic fan—if you get a little sketchy and do some detective work—you should be high in no time, man. People Are Still Using Cannabis During The Pandemic. “We’re considered an 'essential service,'” one dealer told BuzzFeed News.

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